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Everyone can say that they have felt low at some point in time, whether it be through a number of events that have transpired over a long period of time, or spontaneous bubbles of grief and regret, lose and pain burst and boil your blood, turning your stomach from a solid boulder to a bowl of ramen noodles.
Your head spins or you become light on your feet, the pain in your stomach feels like it is getting deeper, and deeper... but it never reaches the bottom, it never stops, it is a continuous feeling and a reoccuring one too.
And it can overtake the body at any moment, especially in times of weakness, a loved one dies and that sensation smacks you in the face with a nailed blank of wood, you collapse and try not to focus on the pain, you're bleeding, but you are trying to be devoid of it... and soon the pain doesn't feel as horrible any more... but then reality punches you in the teeth and your blood keeps spilling on the cold, hard pavement.
You again trying to avoid the suffering and bleeding, you attempt to get up, but as you are upon your hands and knees regret comes and kicks your in the stomach... that feeling you felt not to long ago is back, that horrid, distasteful turning, it twists at your insides and bends you to its will.
It controls you. It changes you. It makes you who you are now.
Most people think you're a recluse, a sociopath, a living cancer to society, but you know who you are, you know what you want to be, and you know that life isn't fair. All of these emotions you feel, they all come from one place. The brain. Not the heart or the stomach. The brain. So do what you must do. Fix the rope to a sturdy girder, place the rope around your neck, adjust so it constricts your breathing a little bit, then kick the chair from under your feet. Hopefully the drop from height doesn't break your neck and help you die quicker.
Low
I have been feeling upset recently, I often think of suicide when I am upset, usually it's the same cliché methods, swallowing a bottle of pills, cutting my wrists, drinking bleach, jumping from the town hall clock tower, throwing myself in front of oncoming traffic, but the one I think of the least is hanging, it's almost artist what with the amount of effort that goes into such a vulger subject. But enough of that, enjoy the piece.
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At least a single person each minute realises that they are not relevant to this world in any way shape or form. They may have had a life up to this point, but what do they have to show for it. Memories? Experiences? The happiness of others?
In the end all this is not relevant, it won't exist in one-hundred year when your great grand children are playing in the fields. You won't remember what was and what used to be when you're dead and six feet underground.
In fact, after a year or so after being buried underground, and depending on the material of the coffin, it breaks under the preasure of the earth above, allowing the maggots and parasites to feast on your dead and rotting flesh. But from your death and hardships the parasites gain life, they feed on your still corpse, they dig into your skin and gnaw away at your bones, destroying all in their way. All the while the children are playing happy families, not thinking about their dead relatives or what their future holds.
The mind of a child is a naive one, they cannot grasp the simplest of knowledge when young, but as they age they become more conscious of what it means to "live," so they go and "live" by killing their bodies with alcohol and cigarettes, letting the demons fester inside of them, they become violent and dangerous, not knowing that their corrupted mind has created their cancer, the cancer that will do them in a few years time.
So really, what is life's purpose?
Perspective
How do I consider my life to be at this very moment in time? Great.
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It has been a while since I have been put into a position like this. Like deja vû, but only the feelings I have have been buried inside of me, locked away in a tiny chamber of my soul, awaiting for the day that the barricades burst and my emotions come spewing out.
Crying is what most people would call it, and since we first spoke of darker times, I have cried more than I can remember, and although I may appear to come across as a strong character with a knack for being ignorant in times of aggression and sadness, I am in fact human. Which means I can break down like a machine. If the gears are not turning and if it is not properly maintained - it will fall apart, little by little, gear by gear - and this is what has happened to me.
I have had my heart and soul torn to pieces and left scattered around, with only me to pick up the remains of what has been left behind, and while I struggle, you stand above me and watch as I try to recover myself. You stand and watch, not attempting to intervein or help at all, you just... stand there...
...And worse of all it was you that put me in this state, broken down and useless.
Ventilation of Human Decency
My recollection of events over the passed year or two. Feel free comment with
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The mind is active all of the time. All of the time, it never ceases, it never "takes a break," it is always doing something, it's a constant reminder that you are conscience, you are alive.
The mind stores memories of the past and can almost predict the future, you can picture your ideal life, and it seems to be only a stone throw away, until you are brought back into reality and all of your dreams are shattered into a million pieces of glass.
The mind can also be a hideous, disgusting and heinous corner of your being, conjuring up the worst of your thoughts and feelings, images of blood and hellish acts poison you, corrupting you, molding you into the epitome of evil.
The Mind
Ironically, my mind created this. Ha. More to come.
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deviantID

wingman2699
Joel
United Kingdom
Hey there, traveller! I see you have managed to stumble upon my page, whether that be by chance or by fate, I welcome you! So please, don't be afraid to say "Hello!"



Furry by Shulky DA Stamp - Fursuits 01 by tppgraphics DA Stamp - Roleplaying 01 by tppgraphics
Thanks for visitin by k-nelo The Friend Stamp by Busiris I LIKE HUGS by Plankhead
I Met My Best Friend Online by holls Writer by Shadowed-Midnight cokkie stamp - Fire-Feline by stamps-club
Motivation - Or not. by AssClownFish Online friends stamp by Suyy DERP by Pumpkabooz
Everyone Loves Me Stamp by Khrinx Writers Block Stamp by Khrinx I'm Famous Stamp by Khrinx

Pink Floyd stamp by HappyStamp Beatles Stamp by rheall Billy Joel Stamp by Volume-Junkies
AC DC Stamp by silva17 Jimi Hendrix Stamp by Flatline5Steely Dan Stamp by Sanity-Questionable
Elvis Fan Stamp by ArtsyFartsyGirl2936 The Queen by mex23 Bob Dylan stamp by 5-3-10-4

Random Kind Comment Stamp by Mirz123 Stamp: I'm not weird by Roxy317 i dont smoke by sergbel
Don't we all? by Snuf-Stamps Stamp: Gay Rights by RogueDerek Keep going by RebiValeska
Interests
Day after day, love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man
Night after night, we pretend it's all right
But I have grown older and
You have grown colder and
Nothing is very much fun any more.

And I can feel one of my turns coming on.
I feel cold as razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum

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redlink101 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fav! :D
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Nafyo-Toons Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Isabella from AC: Thanks for the Fav by Nafyo-Toons  
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Dark-Indigo Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks 4 faving Totoro... by Dark-Indigo ...:)
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SGT-Alix-MC Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  New Deviant
Thank you for the Fav!
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cricketumpire Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Glad you were impressed enough to fave the silver tabby kittens waiting for food  cat

...even if they had their reservations!   LOL   Thank you Joel    :highfive:
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SatoshiTakeo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your welcome for the fave ! :heart:
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falloutdoom8 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2016
Thank you for the fave
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wingman2699 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2016
You're welcome! :heart: :)
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Minemaster30 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
ty for the fave
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wingman2699 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2016
You're welcome! :heart: :)
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